I’ll admit the past few weeks have been pretty hard on me. The new year hasn’t had me feeling happy and hopeful at all. As I submerse myself into this transitional stage of my life, I have been left constantly pondering my actions and the direction I am headed. While deep down I know everything will work out in due time, the waiting game has proven to be more difficult for me than I anticipated. I need to stay busy and keep myself occupied (half the reason I started this blog). Sitting home in my quiet town watching mindless television and tirelessly job hunting has been one of the most daunting tasks of my life. I sometimes feel like this isn’t actually my life and I am stuck in this weird in between place of reality vs. fiction. Today was one of those days where I felt completely trapped in this weird in between. This land of the unknown. But then I remembered that even when I “had things together” I was still in the land of unknown.
I felt this the most when I ventured through Salzburg, Austria. Salzburg is hands down one of my favortie cities in the world. It’s smaller city but full of culture and vibrant colors. And of course, the Sound of Music! For anyone that knows me, it’s one of my all time favorite films so I was a regular kid in a candy store seeing all the iconic sites that are seen throughout the film. If you ever go to Salzburg, you CANNOT leave without going on the Sound of Music tour. You will not regret it! It was on this tour that I got to experience the full magic of Austria and brought on this moment of “enlightenment” that I will never forget! Maybe it’s just me and the place I was mentally/emotionally in my life, but Salzburg has this magic to it. It’s hard to explain but when I was there I just felt this feeling of empowerment and freedom. I felt free.
I think this is something we often take advantage of. This feeling where the world is ours – no one is judging us or telling us we are inadequate. It is this feeling that opportunities are limitless and no matter life throws at us everything is going to be alright. Everything is working out exactly the way it is meant to. I don’t think I have ever felt so happy and so alive in any moment than I did in Salzburg. The moment is one I will never forget and one I often think of especially when things are tough and I feel hopeless. We were driving through the Bavarian Alps, with nothing surrounding us but forest trees and everything green. As we drove through the mountainside, my mind went completely blank – in the best way possible. There was nothing for me to do or think about; all I had to do was take in the picture-esqe views of the Alps. Out of nowhere we turned a corner and the mountainside opened up to expose a beautiful blue river amongst the trees. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I don’t think I have ever seen anything more beautiful than what appeared as we turned the corner. T’he bus parked and we got out to take photos. I stood at the edge of the cliff, admiring the natural beauty of this earth, as tears fell down my face. There was literally nothing for me to do but stand there and cry – tears of fascination, tears of joy, tears of freedom, tears of feeling. It was one of the most liberating moments of my life.
In that moment, I became so overwhelmed with my life and the path my choices had taken me. To think that one year prior to this I was sitting at a desk in a job that I hated, plunging towards a rootless existence and life of depression. And now, I was standing in the middle of the Bavarian Alps on a clear, sunny day feeling hopeful and ready for whatever came next. I guess we all just need a reminder from time to time that we can have all the things we want. We just can’t let all the negative forces in our lives bring us down (lets be real we all have them). The past few months have been tough on me personally and somedays I feel more lost and unsettled than ever before. But then I remind myself of this day and suddenly I have a renewed hope that it is all going to be ok. Everything is happening exactly the way it is supposed to and this in between phase is just a part of the process that will lead me down the next stage of my life. While patience has never been my strong suit, I’m quickly learning that maybe this is the universe’s way of telling me to slow down a little bit and take in all the beautiful things around me. I have a lot of things to be grateful for and sometimes I get too caught up in the conventional way of things. I don’t need to follow anyone else’s path but my own and wherever it leads me is going to be the best thing for me. And if it’s not, I will overcome my fear and find the right thing. They say that everything happens for a reason and in due time it all makes sense. So, until that day I will remain open and grateful, eternally humbled by all the things/people I have and use the experiences I’ve had as a reminder that anything is possible.
Anything is possible.